The End Is Near

Genes and Society will be my last paper tmrw! Whoopeedoo!
But it's going to be a 9am paper and my notes look very intimidating, my head has been spinning since halfway through my GEK1012 paper, I didn't get proper sleep last night, I think I'm getting sick.

I think I'm desensitizing myself from all the shit this sem has thrown to me because honestly if I was who I was 1 sem ago I would be a complete mess.

I can't wait to go home to my new bed and all. As much as I enjoyed hall, I want to go home so badly.



LUV!

Will it sound weird if I said that I enjoyed my Nation Building paper today? I honestly had fun writing my essays. Because we were given an hour for each paper, in my mind I was all like "BRING IT ON BITCHES" and just wrote my life away.

5 pages for the first question and 4 for the next.

I think I might have gotten carried away writing the first question hehe. I felt like like all my words were just flowing out of my pen and it was a great feeling.

Now I have to study for an Open Book Essay Paper. This sounds horribly twisted. But then again my prof is a little on the weird side so maybe it shouldn't count as funny.


So many exciting things lined up for me after my finals!
-Clubbing with the usuals and Velda at Zouk
-The Lucky One and dinner before that
-Sentosa on Friday with Ann, Pads, Sharms, Eugene
-Back to work at LICK!
-Doing up my room! So many ideas in my brain I can't wait!
-Driving (Okay, maybe I can't say this is exciting)
-GOING HOME!!!!!!


Til then I have 2 more papers:)




Luv.

Thank god I tend to over-analyze situations, because in this case, thankfully, I am still rather alive.


I also thank God for having such supportive friends<3

Arctic

Just came back from the Starbucks at Utown after stopping to chat with Rachel and Joel. Waiting for Ella to return so Faturday can have our Arctic Slumber Party in her room:)

Today was a whirlwind. I don't know what happened, why it happened and what's going to happen, but all I know is feeling confused. My brain is good like that, overthinking. So today hasn't exactly been productive because my brain cannot prioritise and now its throbbing like fuck.

I knew this was too good to be true, the signs were all there, flashing, neon. But what happened? I chose to hope. Hope for the best, expect the worst. Now its just expect the worst.



Luv.

Bracing myself for the worst.

Milestone

No longer a teenager! Don't know if this can be considered a milestone in life (?)

Downer because finals are in 5 days. Cycle will repeat itself for the next 3/4 years:(

Feeling happy studying over at Ella's room because she haz aircon!!!!!

I honestly cannot wait for finals to be over.
I'm looking forward to being a couch potato in my new room, cooking up a storm in my own kitchen, and going back to being a scooperwoman at LICK.

Oh joy, the simple pleasures of life:)


In other words, I have organized all the overwhelming thoughts in my head and have decided that I should take steps in maintaining a distance because it is necessary for the well-being of my heart.




Luv.

Fuck. First paper in less than a week. I'm not done with my content.
I am fucking this close to crying because I feel fucking useless now and I just need someone to tell me its okay and give me a goddamn big hug and just suffocate me with encouragement and assurance.

But here I am sitting in the middle of the room, alone, feeling bloody under the weather, and frustrated and exhausted and a thousand other negative emotions with no one to share them with.

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck.
I need to shut up.
I need to stop being so damn vulgar but this is the only fucking way I can not go mad.


Fuck.

Air

Its 3pm, I'm at Utown buried deep in my notes and the weather is lovely today. If I didn't have finals in 7 days, I would love to fly a kite a on the field in Utown, of course wearing a nice picnic dress:)

The past few days have been dreamy. Because every night before I sleep, or when I'm standing in the shower, these are the 2 times in the day when I sort out my thoughts and just think. That's when I think that all these is too surreal and how I'm all caught up with breathing in all this positive energy that I could just explode into a tiny ball of happiness.

1 month will be what determines my standing. How long it'll take for me to sort out my feelings.


The weather is making me feel all sentimental.




Luv.

Get Used To It

These few days have been pretty crazy.
Exams lurking around the corner and I still feel as though the sem barely started. Really bad, really bad.

Don't know if I can keep this whole University thing up because I feel so tiny here. It takes so much effort to keep my grades up, so I don't know how people say life here is a breeze. It sure feels like a freaking hailstorm over here and I'm dying.

And then there's this whole new phase I'm going through now that heightens every possible insecurity I have about myself. It creeps me out. Its like playing with fire because the thrill and fear drives me crazy.

I talked to Rachel today while trying to photocopy notes, and she said maybe the problem lies with me. Its funny how I can think of a 1000 ways how something might fail before even considering the possibility of it taking off.

Too tired, too much econs, graphs and random thoughts swimming around in my head.



Luv,

Closeness scares me.

Distance calms me.

War in my head.

Happy Birthday Paps

April

I'm finally back to this space again.

Hall life has been really busy and I'm trying to bask in whatever happiness I've been so blessed to have over here. Awesome bunch of people who are always so spontaneous and lovely and supportive.

This semester has proved to be emotionally destructive but my favourite people pull me back whenever I fall to deep into my own demons, so I cannot be ever more grateful that I've met them. Sadly this might be the last semester that I'll be over here. Will miss my little ball of fur:')

This semester has also made my heart ache in one ways too often that I no longer know what to do with that muscle of mine. Right now everything looks bright and cheery but I wonder for how long. Because we all know when you get too happy for too long, its only right for something to come and take it away. I hope it won't be too soon because honestly I haven't felt so happy in a long time.

Have to get back to my books soon, been out the entire day with J and haven't done ANYTHING close to productive.



Luv.